A Bad Decision

A Bad Decision

I know we all have battles we’re fighting and others necessarily have no idea. We wake up and go about our daily lives sometimes smiling even while being in pain or living through hard times. It’s the roller coaster of life. Especially for those of us in our thirties and over. We’ve lived through so much already and made good and bad decisions in our younger years that start affecting us now or have already wreaked havoc on our bodies-mentally, emotionally and/or physically. 

I’ve battled quite a bit in my years already. I’ve suffered the loss and pain of losing my mother from a drunk driver, been harmed and physically/emotionally/mentally hurt and traumatized, fought an illness, battled with anxiety and depression that has taken a toll on me after all these years. 

I was a young mother learning everything as I went and always did the best I could for my oldest son, who is now 15. Maybe I didn’t always make the best decisions for myself and after having him at a young age and breastfeeding for some months {I had to stop it didn’t work out for me} I lost volume in my breasts and thought my life was over. I wouldn’t say literally but I was about my looks and always had a nice physique. It wasn’t perfect but without having to do much and being young looking back now I’d do anything for that body again. It’s ok though I’ve grown with age, mentally too and I know looks aren’t everything but my health is. I ended up getting Breast Augmentation and Mastopexy {Implants and a Lift} at the age of 21. So I’ve had implants for 13 years.  Now years later I’m regretting it and have narrowed down all of my symptoms and there isn’t much else that could be going wrong with me. I do eat pretty good. I eat plant-based and live a vegan lifestyle. 

Since transitioning to a vegan lifestyle I noticed I had better days, more energy I was happier, skin wasn’t as dull or dry, hair was thicker than before {which I’ve always had thick hair but it was even more now}. Yet after a year went by my health had started declining. I couldn’t figure out what was wrong..I thought it was all in my head. I literally kept telling myself I’m going crazy and I’m a hypochondriac. It can’t be that though. My anxiety and paranoia had hit an all time high. If my oldest son would walk home from school and not text me if he was late coming home I literally broke down in tears hysterical, because of fear. The thoughts would run through my mind making me sick that something horrible happened to him and I can’t get to him or help him. I think negatively that something is going to or maybe could happen to my boys in the middle of the night while I’m sleeping and I won’t wake up. Yet most nights I can’t sleep from insomnia. My hair falls out in clumps {no bald spots, thankfully}. My back, legs, feet, shoulders, chest, stomach everything hurts. I have burning  and tightening sensations in my chest. Everyday I have a hard time breathing. I feel as if someone is sitting on my chest. I’ve finally come to the conclusion it’s my implants. After researching about other women having the same symptoms as mine and feeling better once they explanted, they are able to heal. I read about women DYING because of their toxic implants. I can’t imagine leaving my boys and not seeing them grow up. It terrifies me that could be me. I need to get them out ASAP! The one problem is I’m not working and my Hubbz takes care of 5 of us. An unexpected surgery of $10,000 just isn’t possible now. I’m looking into every option for a loan to get this surgery yet I had Identity Theft for 4 years and my SSN is screwed up with being able to get loans. I’m lost and confused on how I can pay for this surgery. I thought if I wrote a few Recipe e-book’s I could help others while hoping others could help me. I will be putting all funds made from all e-book’s directly away and into an account for my surgery. I really wanted to explain why I decided to charge for the recipes I put out. I will still continue to post Free recipes on my site but this will be a way I can make some extra money to help my Hubbz not stress out so much with what we’re going to do.

This post is really hard to write and makes me extremely vulnerable. I am not one to ask for help or favors. I am upset with myself for the decision I made but the only thing I can do is what I’m doing now and trying to do what I can to have this surgery as soon as possible.

I have also added a donation button below. It’s totally not expected but so very appreciated even the smallest amount adds up! I will be providing more Recipe books in the future. I appreciate all my followers and supporters and I truly can’t thank you enough! 



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